Wild goose chase

Certain things can really focus your attention, really bring you into the present moment. Like being chased by a crazed goose.

This is not my writing prompt exercise from yesterday; this happened.

Today I went for a jog on a road near my house. On this road lives a kindly woman with a bird sanctuary on her property. She feeds them and gives them safe harbor.

After I passed her property on the way back toward my house, I heard a slight clacking sound. It wasn’t terribly loud over the sound of my iPod. After a moment, I looked around and saw a white goose running alongside and just behind me. For an instant I thought, cute—sort of like Mother Goose without the hat.

Then I noticed that Mother Goose wasn’t just keeping pace; she was closing the distance. And there wasn’t much distance to close—like maybe a foot.

I sped up a little (I’m not a fast runner), but Mother Goose was still gaining. She was close enough to nip my ankles. It was at this point, dear readers, that I began to panic.

I felt ridiculous running away from a goose, but it wasn’t slowing down and I feared for my ankles. I had no idea how much damage a goose could do, but I didn’t want to find out. She was close enough that even if she were a peaceful, noncombative goose, I risked tripping over her and spraining an ankle.

I needed to get some distance.

I’m not sure why, but I banked left onto a neighbor’s yard to see if that might shake her off. What do I know—I’ve never been chased by a goose before!

Mother Goose turned on a dime and was right at my feet. The goose was clearly pursuing me. I have no idea why. I carried neither food nor stolen goslings. Nevertheless, this was one determined, fast-moving little goose. I mean, she was booking.

Outmaneuvering her had failed; it was time for drastic measures. I didn’t want to hurt the thing, but I thought if I nudged it with my foot, it might get scared and leave me alone.

I nudged. Given that I was also running, it was probably more like a kick. I like animals, people. I didn’t want to hurt Mother Goose, even if she was clearly deranged. Flooded with guilt, I looked back at the poor thing.

Mother Goose was clearly uninjured, wings flapping, feet running. Who knew geese could move so fast? Or maybe I am just really slow. The kick nudge only bought me a couple of feet. Feeling ridiculous but also desperate to escape, I ran as fast as I could. It turns out I can run pretty fast when I want to. After I put some space between me and the devil-goose, I risked a looked back.

She was still coming. WTF?!

I was close to my house by now and really out of breath. Mother Goose was still coming but more slowly. So I walked across my yard and into my house, looking behind me the whole time.

After three months of trying to be brave, this is how I handle a deranged goose. I kick it and run all the way home. Not good, people, not good. The best thing I can say for myself is that I didn’t cry.

Safely in front of my computer again, I googled goose attacks and found this. Looks like I got off easy.

In other news, I did my writing prompt yesterday as promised. It was kind of fun, but of course what I wrote was drivel. That’s ok.

Today’s writing prompt comes from The Pocket Muse, by Monica Wood:

Begin with a character at odds with his or her physical environment. She has a broken foot, and the elevator doesn’t work. He arrives at the beach house with the wrong set of keys. Escalate the conflict by adding a second character who is more hindrance then help.

I really hope Mother Goose is ok. Stupid goose.

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39 Responses to Wild goose chase

  1. I feel like I’ve been naughty, after your ordeal and all (especially since I would have been in tears and scarred for weeks if it had been me), but I’m hoping you’ll forgive me for laughing harder than I have for months. How I hope you meant it to be that funny! Then I went to the link you provided and laughed again at the article, and then laughed until I cried during the clip. If laughter is truly good for the soul, and for oxygenating the blood, then you have done quite a service here and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    I’m so glad you’re all right now, and I think you are right to kick, I mean, nudge any strange animal that’s coming at you like that. (Is there such a thing as goose repellant?) I couldn’t possibly understand what was going on in the mind of the deranged goose that stalked you, but I do wonder if the goose in the film was a militant vegetarian.

    • I laughed about it, too. Although I still feel bad about kicking the thing. It was terrifying and ridiculous at the same time. Just goes to show: it’s dangerous to say out loud, “I wish I had something interesting to blog about today.”

  2. Donna says:

    Te he he he he….I only wish it was caught on video. I think it would have been you tube gold….

  3. missumerica says:

    Geese are mean!!! I posted The Tales Of Mother (and the) Goose not long ago… My mama had to outrun one too, but she’s an amputee. Plan B was to take off her leg and use it like a club. THAT would’ve been a scene!

  4. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Glad you are OK. As for bravery, I think it took bravery to share this with all of us. Not everyone would admit to being stalked by a goose. Thanks for the great laugh!

  5. Bah ha haaah!!! One of my uncles kept geese, and they are MEAN! Thanks for the Saturday morning chuckles. Glad to hear you made it out okay 🙂

  6. SteveG says:

    Just curious … what was on your playlist as you were running away from the goose? I’m curious in case I ever find myself in a similar situation and need to find the right song.


  7. Gilly says:

    I was once chased by a flock of wild turkeys up a hill. The fear was intense! The only thing that saved me was a poor guy biking up the hill. The clicking of his bicycle wheels was way more enticing, so they crossed the street to follow him… poor guy! But I have enjoyed my Thanksgiving turkey all the more ever since.

  8. Pingback: A day without geese | If I Were Brave

  9. Holy Cow! I have always been a little intimidated by the geese I see when running. They’re birds, but really big birds. (And they poop big to prove it).

  10. bigsheepcommunications says:

    Maybe this goose was auditioning to be your personal trainer – she got you kicking while running and pushed you into a fast sprint, right? On the other hand, maybe you should change your route.

  11. workmomad says:

    We lived in Taipei, Taiwan when I was in 3rd and 4th grade, and across the street from our house was what we called “the Chinese village” where some of the Taiwanese people lived in a small collection of huts with a shared outhouse. They kept geese and chickens; I can remember being chased by the geese once, and a kind woman opened the door of her hut and gave me a stick and gestured to me that I needed to use it on the geese. I appreciated her kindness, but I still have been a little afraid of geese ever since. The chickens were more fun; my sister’s favorite activity was to go out to our yard and chase all the chickens out of it.


  12. I remember being at a lake in a park as kids and a goose bit my sister. No one would believe it, but it came right up to her and nipped her hand. Crazy creatures!

  13. Virginia says:

    First thing I have to say: I’m sorry I laughed as I read it.
    Second thing I have to say: I want to write a serious comment but…LOL!

    *coughcough* Okay, seriously now. You were right to run. Geese are mean stinkers and not weak little powder puffs.

    By the way, what’s the land-speed velocity of an unladen goose?

  14. gatehouse13 says:

    What a wonderful, funny post. Sorry I also recognise it wasn’t funny for you, but you just described it so beautifully. Perhaps this is the new running aid of the future – the goose coach…. get’s you running faster than you could ever have imagined!

  15. Dying with laughter over here! Kick/nudging a goose…that is priceless!

  16. Patty Volpacchio says:

    Oh my gosh… catching up on your blog Dory after being away… laughed my ass off at this one… too funny… stupid goose

  17. Lisa Wields Words says:

    Hilarious! 😀 I giggled the whole way through.

    “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

    I think your ankles, your skin, and your general well being is much more important than standing brave in front of the mysterious fury we shall call GOOSENATOR!

  18. Lisa Wields Words says:

    LOL How about Mother @#$%ing Goosenator?

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