Crazy mom confessions

Ain’t no sunshine where we live; everything has been grey and wet and buggy for days. Although I hate cold weather, we REALLY need some to kill the mosquitoes, who seem intent on moving up the food chain before winter.

So I went with a lighter topic for today’s post. For your entertainment, I offer you some crazy mom confessions that put the whole supermom image to rest for good.

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One day Sarah left the house wearing a shirt and tights but no skirt. We went to two stores before I noticed. This wasn’t during the sleep-deprived time of her infancy. This was a couple of weeks ago.

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I recently told my nine-year-old she could read a book I thought might be a little old for her. Nothing serious, I thought – maybe some talk about crushes on boys. After
we got it home, I found out it explains erections. Once my hysterics subsided, I calmly told her we’d have to put that one away for a while.

***

A six-year-old once told me she was going to have to separate me and her mother at soccer games because we talk too much and don’t watch. She’s not wrong. I never know who’s winning.

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I have told my children that stores are closed, roads are closed, and many other fabrications to avoid doing something they don’t really need and I don’t really want. For you virtuous parents who are judging me for lying to my kids, I have two words: Tooth Fairy.

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When Grace was just four and Sarah was not yet two, we went from a birthday party straight to a Halloween party. I had diapers, snacks, blankies, all the requisite kid paraphernalia…except Halloween costumes. *sigh*

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When Grace was about 18 months old, she started sobbing and I couldn’t figure out why. I had been straightening up her room while she played and munched some Cheerios. When she slowed down enough to speak:

Grace: Cheerio! Cheerio!!

Me: Here, honey, here are the Cheerios!

Grace [pushing them away]: Cheerio! Cheerio!!!

We continued in this vein for a few minutes, at which point I gave up. She wasn’t hurt, and I had no idea what she wanted.

Eventually, she quieted down and went back to playing. A few minutes later, I heard a gigantic sneeze and turned to wipe her nose. She shot me the best I-told-you-so look I have ever seen, pointed to the snot-covered Cheerio on the floor and said, “Cheerio.”

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16 Responses to Crazy mom confessions

  1. That last one was great! I may be giggling for the rest of the afternoon…

  2. notquiteold says:

    Oh my, what a horrible mother! There must be some award for that!

  3. I am a very cheap mom who sends my kids’ play dates outside to pick an orange if they want a snack. The snot-covered Cheerio? – I’d say it’s covered in the five second rule. Did you wipe the snot and hand it to her?

  4. Jodie says:

    Lol, thank you for sharing these storied with us. 🙂

  5. workmomad says:

    You are not alone! Every mother has stories like these in one form of another. Thank you for sharing yours.

    I wanted you to know it has taken me a few days to get my stuff together, (I am having surgery on Tuesday, and had to get my work in good shape and other things) but tomorrow I am posting my acceptance of the Versatile Blogger Award, first installment, with a link back to your post. This is what I wrote:

    The authors of If I Were Brave and Drusilla Mott were the people who nominated me for this award. It’s just as well that they did, because if they hadn’t and if (a big if) I received it from someone else, I would nominate them.

    Over at If I Were Brave, the author is chronicling her year of attempting to live (more) dangerously than she did before. Her writing is fresh, her topics resonate with many women (they certainly do with me!) and I have been following her for a while now.

    (The links are active in my blog post.)

    Nancy
    http://www.workingmomadventures.com
    http://www.thefootballnovice.com

  6. Gilly says:

    My sister and I were watching King Kong when we were little (3 and 5 years old). Inspired, we decided we wanted to look like King Kong, which meant stuffing raisins up our noses. It made sense at the time. It was all fun and games until my sister got one stuck up there. My mom had to use tweezers to get it out! Haha! Cheerio story reminded me of that.

  7. I nominated you for Versatile Blogger. I know you already got it, and you don’t have to do it again, but I think you’re awesome.

  8. Hilarious! Especially the book about erections. My daughter once read “ee-wreck-tile dice-funk-shun” off the back of something I’d cut out of a magazine for a craft. That was a fun conversation with her preschool teacher! Also? I once took my son to emergency on Grey Cup Sunday because he stuck a dried blueberry way up into his nose, and it had rehydrated. Fun times!
    Awesome, awesome post!

  9. Hah! Very funny! Very brave to post your confessions : ) Love the one about “lying” to your kids…I know that’ll be me someday and I’ll know I’m not alone.

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