Ah, the summer cold. I feel terrible. I canceled a much anticipated lunch and declined an invitation to hang out poolside with another friend. There was no choice really; I am coughing every other word and tethered to a box of tissues.
Here is the thing that kills me though. I worried about the cancelling and the declining. I didn’t use the cold as an excuse to avoid something unpleasant; I like and wanted to see both friends. And giving them my cold would be decidedly unkind.
Yet I worried. Would they be insulted? Would they think I was avoiding them?
At what point did I become so fearful of displeasing others that even when I am doing the right thing, I worry about being perceived as wrong?
Messed-up little ex-Catholic, ain’t I?
I know that courage only happens when you feel fear and don’t let it stop you, but I think I’d also like to work on not feeling so much freakin fear. It is such a waste of time and energy.
For now, I’ll spend my energy on kicking this cold. That’s today’s project.