This morning I stood up for myself in front of an expert in the art of ignoring other people. The ignorer seemed unconcerned of course, but I did it anyway. The great thing is that I did it without anger, without the drama I sometimes attach to my feelings in order to justify having them.

I don’t think my message made a dent. Bland unchanging expression, barely a reaction. You don’t exist, you don’t exist, you don’t exist.

Expressing myself in the face of such indifference was a small act of faith in the idea that my feelings do matter, despite seeming evidence to the contrary. This might be bravery with a microscopic “b,” but still.

Here are some more microbraveries for today:

I scheduled a few outings that will bring me face-to-face with new challenges – rock climbing and an improv class (so much fear there, I will have to dedicate a week to it when the time comes).

One small fear faced today – the fear of asking for what I know I am entitled to. My daughter is enrolled in a tutoring program where she periodically earns gift cards as a reward for progress. She earned one today but her tutor didn’t give it to her. I actually was nervous about asking for it. What if he was annoyed? What if I was wrong and he thought I was trying to cheat him or something? It was a simple oversight, of course, and he thanked me for reminding him. Seriously – why am I like this? Catholic upbringing? Vitamin D deficiency? Just plain crazy?

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2 Responses to Microbravery

  1. Betsy says:

    I’m feeling inspired–what did you say to the Artful Ignorer? I love reading your daily challenges.

    • It was a small thing really. I told him: I asked for something and you promised you would. And then you did something entirely different. And that is not ok. Par for the course for the Artful Ignorer, but I thought it was worth it to point it out. I am so used to just accepting what I get. I think it was important to say, I deserve better, even if I have no reasonable expectation of getting it. Thanks for commenting, Betsy!

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